Problems in Democracy, #137

PROBLEM:
  People who go into a certain house get electrocuted.

RESPONSES:
  Protestant:
    Urge people to resist temptation.
  Catholic:
    Fundraising memorial bingo night.
  TV Evangelist:
    Fundraising memorial faith-healing spa and electric theme park.
  Rock Star:
    Fundraising memorial mega-concert, profits to survivors ( $746 ).
  Local TV:
    Send Sky Cam, report incident as a toxic waste spill.
  MacNeil / Lehrer:
    22-minute debate featuring a consumer advocate, a physicist, conservative
      senator, a black playwright and an ethicist.
  Tabloid:
    "Elvis Zaps Fans With Guitar!"
  Zoning Board:
    Table the issue--too busy approving new malls.
  School Board:
    Change curriculum to include alternative theories of electricity.
  Electrician:
    Have people always keep one hand in pocket.
  Engineer:
    Wire people 180 degrees out of phase with house current.
  Architect:
    Redesign interior of house to increase excitement in less risky spaces.
  H.M.O.:
    Authorize visit with nurse, but charge for doctor.
  Insurance Company:
    Retroactive policy exclusion for injuries exceeding 100,000 mi./sec.
  Lawyer:
    Sue maker of auto that was parked in garage at time of accident.
  Jury:
    Split liability between auto maker and tire company.
  Ross Perot:
    1-800-
  Entrepreneur:
    1-900-
  Immigration Service:
    Deport homeowner's babysitter.
  I.R.S.:
    Confiscate victims' savings accounts.
  B.A.T.&F.:
    Surround the neighborhood.
  F.B.I.:
    Protect the media by relocating them just outside Anchorage.
  President:
    Another reason for the energy tax.
  Congress:
    Another reason for Special Prosecutor.
  Pentagon:
    Another reason for more defense spending.
  CIA:
    Another reason to bomb Libya.
  Supreme Court:
    Permit states to regulate use of electrons in 3rd trimester abortions.
  Conservatives:
    Mandatory jail time for theft of power; reduce AIDS funding.
  Liberals:
    Redefine positive and negative as "assertive" and "receptive;"  build
      swimming pools in 3 swing-vote states.

David Daye (daye@agvax2.ag.ohio-state.edu)
4/27/93