The Top 14 Euphemisms for Corporate Layoffs

14. Dissing the Gruntled

13. Improving the Odds in the Office March Madness Pool

12. Fueling Demand for Lottery Tickets and Malt Liquor

11. The Corporate Catch-and-Release Program

10. Giving You a Shot at Posting Your Very Own Negative-Growth Quarter

9. Causing 404s on the Career Server

8. Moving 1/3 of Your Workforce to Within a Dead Dog and a Cruel
   Woman of a Blues Classic

7. Giving Bruce Springsteen Something to Sing About

6. Issuing Transfers to Pets.com

5. H.R. Ruffstuff

4. Hiring a Bunch of New People, Only Backwards

3. Ass-Harvesting on the Cubicle Farm

2. Beaming the Red-Shirted Extras Down to the Evil Monster Planet

1. Separating the Wheat From the Wheat That Doesn't Kiss Enough Ass