Date: Thu, 07 Aug 97 09:14:04 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #927-03

Selected-By: Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4@osu.edu>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Oracle most wise and wonderful,
>
>       I am at a career crossroads; should I become an astronaut, a
> fireman, or a sysadmin?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} This is the kind of question that these "handy comparison charts" were
} just made to answer:
}
} PURPOSE OF YOUR CAREER
} Astronaut:  Advancing scientific knowledge for the good of humanity.
} Fireman:    Saving lives and property.
} Sysadmin:   Assuring uninterrupted access to alt.binaries.erotica.sheep.
}
} ADVICE YOU'LL GIVE KIDS WHO WANT TO FOLLOW IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS
} Astronaut:  "Study science and math and eat your vegetables."
} Fireman:    "Study science and math and eat your vegetables."
} Sysadmin:   "DON'T DO IT!  RUN AWAY!"
}
} QUESTION YOU'LL BE MOST TIRED OF ANSWERING
} Astronaut:  "Where do you go to the bathroom?"
} Fireman:    "Do you really slide down a pole when the alarm goes off?"
} Sysadmin:   "Can't you do anything about all this spam I've been
}              getting?"
}
} WILL YOU EVER BE ON TV?
} Astronaut:  Yes!
} Fireman:    Occasionally.
} Sysadmin:   Only MSNBC's "The Site," which doesn't technically count as
}             TV.
}
} WILL YOUR JOB EVER GET ANY EASIER?
} Astronaut:  As computers get more and more advanced and able to control
}             more of the functions of the space vehicle, yes.
} Fireman:    As more and more people install smoke detectors in their
}             homes, yes.
} Sysadmin:   As more and more clueless newbies discover the Internet,
}             absolutely not.
}
} INSPIRING MOVIE ABOUT YOUR PROFESSION
} Astronaut:  "The Right Stuff"
} Fireman:    "Backdraft"
} Sysadmin:   Uh...gee, I'm really drawing a blank here..."Wargames"?
}
} YOUR WORK HOURS
} Astronaut:  Fairly long days during the mission, but lots and lots of
}             time between missions to relax.
} Fireman:    24-hour shifts, but 48 hours between shifts to relax.
} Sysadmin:   Not really "work hours" or even "work days"...more like
}             "work millenia."
}
} FRINGE BENEFITS OF YOUR JOB
} Astronaut:  Lots of good stories to tell to impress members of the
}             opposite sex.
} Fireman:    Lots of good stories to tell to impress members of the
}             opposite sex.
} Sysadmin:   You get ALL of the jokes in "Dilbert."
}
} NUMBER OF COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR PROFESSION
} Astronaut:  A few, from people who think the government should be
}             spending its money in different ways.
} Fireman:    A few, from people who think you take too long to arrive
}             following a 911 call.
} Sysadmin:   You'll have to learn what comes after "trillion" to be able
}             to count them all.
}
} YOUR VEHICLE
} Astronaut:  Multimillion-dollar space vehicle atop multimillion-dollar
}             rocket.
} Fireman:    Big red truck with flashing lights and siren.
} Sysadmin:   1978 AMC Gremlin.
}
} In conclusion, if the sysadmin option has seemed the most appealing in
} even one of these categories, you should become a sysadmin.
}
} Can't you do anything about all this spam I've been getting?