Top 100+ things you don't want the sysadmin to say. 001: Uh-oh..... 002: Shit!! 003: What the hell!? 004: Go get your backup tape. (You _do_ have a backup tape?) 005: That's SOOOOO bizarre. 006: Wow!! Look at this..... 007: Hey!! The suns don't do this. 008: Terminated??! 009: What software license? 010: Well, it's doing _something_..... 011: Wow....that seemed _fast_..... 012: I got a better job at Lockheed... 013: It didn't do that a minute ago... 014: Well, _my_ files were backed up. 015: What do you mean you needed that directory? 016: What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it! 017: Do you really need your home directory to do any work? 018: Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work when it comes up tonight. 019: I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job. 020: Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you? 021: Where's the GUI on this thing? 022: Damn, and I just bought that pop... 023: Where's the DIR command? 024: The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver. 025: I cleaned up the root partition and now there's LOTS of free space. 026: What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press? 027: Do you smell something? 028: What's that grinding sound? 029: I have never seen it do *that* before... 030: I think it should not be doing that... 031: I remember the last time I saw it do that... 032: You might as well all go home early today ... 033: My leave starts tomorrow. 034: Management says... 035: Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgetted. 036: What do you mean that wasn't a copy? 037: We're standardizing on AIX. 038: Ooops. 039: Hmm, maybe if I do this... 040: Why is my "rm *.o" taking so long and why does it say that the file ".o" is non-existant... 040: Hmmm, curious... 041: YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!! 042: What do you mean that could take down the whole network? 043: What's this switch for anyways...? 044: Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does 045: If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner. 046: Was that YOUR directory? 047: System coming down in 0 min.... 048: The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky! 049: Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out? 050: OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c). 051: The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it? 052: It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. 053: I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip with out triping the breaker. 054: What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers? 055: I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance and I have it running now. 056: Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off? 057: The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after diner. 058: Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST! 059: Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing. 060: I'll be working on the daemon which controls the UPS for a little while. The system shouldn't get shut down though. (Sudden silence in the computer room) Damn; that wasn't supposed to happen. 061: I hate it when that happens. 062: You can do this patch with the system up... 063: What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it? 064: The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk??? 065: Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk.... 066: What do mean by "fired"? 067: I accidentaly deleted his account. I will put it back. 068: hey, what does mkfs do? 069: where did you say those backup tapes were kept? 070: ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like _this_... 071: don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT 072: what's this hash prompt on my terminal mean? 073: dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix 074: find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {}; 075: now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either 076: Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750 077: Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4 078: SMIT makes it all so much easier...... 079: Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy? 080: I don't care what he says, I'm _NOT_ having it on _my_ network 081: We don't support that. We _won't_ support that. 082: ...and after I patched the microcode... 083: You've got TECO. What more do you want? 084: We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one 085: Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory... 086: This won't affect what you're doing. 087: Ignore the errors. It complains too much. 088: Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they? 089: Umm, did anyone have anything important in /usr? 090: We had to format some tracks, and we seem to have hit an inode track. Half the files are still there though... 091: Ooops, I should really have change directory before doing that chmod -R bin.bin . Oh, so that's why ps doesn't work. 092: I just made an extra 2 meg of space in /, I stripped /vmunix. 093: I got these instructions off the net. I'm going to follow them exactly. Let's see if they work. 094: Oh I took that thing off [emacs], it was huge and nobody uses it. It's a stupid editor anyway. 095: I don't know if this is ethical, but... 096: System going down in 10 minutes. Maintanance reboot. System's too slow. 097: Oh, btw - I redefined the middle mouse button to be 'paste'.. 098: I just have to install these three patches. It should not take more than a few minutes. 099: Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow? 100: [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of Dos is this running?" 101: Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing... 102: NO! Not _that_ button! 103: Sorry, we deleted that package last week... 104: You did _what_ to the floppy??? 105: What did you say your (l)user name was...? ;-) 106: Wonder what *this* command does? Collected from: alt.folklore.computers Contributors: walkera@gg.caltech.edu (Walker Aumann) ab401@freenet.carleton.ca (Paul Tomblin) tar@scout.ksu.ksu.edu (Tim Ramsey) jebright@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (James R Ebright) russells@ccu1.aukuni.ac.nz (Russell Street) regebro@linnea-grind.stacken.kth.se (Lennart Regebro) dave@esi.COM.AU (Dave Horsfall) hugh@nezsdc.icl.co.nz (Hugh Grierson) ghica@fig.citib.com (Renato Ghica) chuck@mu.law.utah.edu (Charles Perkins) oxenreid@chaos.cs.umn.edu hudson@java.oc.nps.navy.mil (Stefan Hudson) matthewm@sgate.com (Mike Matthews) smcdow@mamba.asg.arlut.utexas.edu (Stuart McDow) msawyer@soest.hawaii.edu (Michael Sawyer) don@zl2tnm.gen.nz (Don Stokes) stewart@vitek.com (Stewart) tgs@jjmhome.UUCP (Thomas G. Seidenberg) rozee@elec.canterbury.ac.nz (Robert Rozee) pete@minster.york.ac.uk forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) michael.benveniste@channel1.com (Michael Benveniste) comrade@uniwa.uwa.edu.au (Peter Cooper) peter@ncrpda.curtin.edu.au (Peter N Lewis) warnold@gossip.urich.edu (William W. Arnold) helen@nomad.urich.edu (Helen C. O'Boyle) adamsd@crash.cts.com (Adams Douglas) dbegley@guinevere.st.nepean.uws.edu.au (David J N Begley) alanf@tridom.com (Alan Fleming) aloysius@cs.uiuc.edu (Aloysius Kinsella) valdis@black-ice.cc.vt.edu (Valdis Kletnieks)