The discussions about older hardware reminded us of some of the problems
listed in a cookie like program running on our PDP11's called HEADACHE.
Anyway, you know you have a hardware headache when:

You sell your CPU to pay for your peripherals.
Your receiving department diversifies into Scrap Metal and kindling.
Your dog likes the smell of your home computer.
They can't repair your system any more, the guy died.
Your serviceperson says you overwound your turnkey system.
Your CPU is so old, your check parts at the drug store tube tester.
You voided the warranty when you unpacked the equipment.
Your salesperson moves to a commune in Washington State.
Your repairperson has their own cup by the coffee pot.
Your system was delivered by "drop shipment" (off the loading dock).
Your system is so old you need a decimal to Abacus conversion routine.
The system has a mouse, but it's nesting inside the CPU.
Your salesperson asks, "What's wrong with paper tape for backup ?"
Your user's manual has a chapter on Vacuum Tubes.
You visit the Smithsonian, and see a CPU like yours on exhibit.
Your serviceperson calls and asks you what you do for spare parts.
Your word processing sofware manual is written in longhand.
The salesperson says memory costs more, the price of Mercury went up.
You try to start a user's group, but the other guy is in Iraq.
Your serviceperson explains just how hard it is to find 6SN7's nowdays.
Your service kit is a relay contact cleaner and a neon trouble light.
Your service people can't get spare parts, they lost the garage keys.
Your manual says the system runs FORTAN 44.
Your pocket programmers card fits on one side of a 3 by 5 card.
You call for installation assistance and they ask about floor loading.
Your repair people want a reserved place in the parking lot.
Your editor is called PTUI, (Paper Tape Universal I/O.)
Your debugger is a can of insectiside.
XYZ's service crew quit en-mass for  better jobs, (in IRAN.).
You call the 800 service number and they answer, "Herro...".
The new networking hardware arrives,... two tin cans and a string.
SGMC, (Sal's Garage Modem Co) says they're still working on 300 baud.
Your disk access time is improved since they adjusted the air pressure.
You call the 800 service number and get "The number you are calling..."
Your service person carries a tube substitution guide in their pocket.
Your local service person just hocked the tool kit and left for Aruba.
The storage expansion option arrived ... it's an accordion file.

-- Frank R. Borger (Frank@rover.uchicago.edu)